Steps

I recently amputated my ponytail.

It had been part of my life for over 10 years.  10 years of the appendage dangling from the back of my head - serving no purpose.  9 of those years I never questioned my growth.  The last year I spent summoning the courage to heed the advice of my heart and lop it off.

I obsessively stared at women with short hair.  I bordered on stalking those with the courage to wear their hair differently than the uniform of long locks.  I wondered what gave them the confidence to strut around with super short hair.  I especially admired those women with a buzz like cut.  Drooling over the freedom they must feel.

I craved the freedom, but I feared how I would look without the growth on the back of my head.  What would people think of me? Would I like how I look?  Would others like how I look? Would the haircut be a butchered mess?  What criticism would I face? Would men find me attractive?  Would I be an outcast if I was no longer part of the long locks club?

One hot Summer day (thank you universe for the sweltering heat) I made the appointment.  I could no longer stand the weight of long dangling strands.  The appointment was over 2 weeks away.  As the date loomed, I internally smiled at the women with short hair, knowing I too would be free.

Then all of a sudden the date was only 2 days away.  I was certain this was a mistake.  I thought of all the logical reasons to cancel the scheduled ponytail amputation.  My child was going to be sick.  My husband was going to be traveling.  These excuses weren't true, but I am a master of making excuses sound believable to avoid my own fear.

My fear of what the stylist would think of me was the only reason I kept the appointment.  I didn't want her to think poorly of me for cancelling.  Or maybe on some very hidden level, I couldn't go on worrying what others think of me.

The day was here.  I took the step.  I cut my hair. 

Guess what? I survived this step of authenticity.

I survived this step of courage.

I survived this step of announcing to the world, this is me.

I am a girl that likes short hair.  I am.

This is me.  I love my short hair.

Oh, what freedom I feel knowing I can step out of my comfort zone and find a greater safety.