Stop

I experience a visceral feeling of having to stop being me, and instead take care of those around me.

When the people around me are feeling insecure, needy, or scared, I believe I must help them.  It is my job to make them better.

How wrong this is!

I am an extremely sensitive person.  I can easily feel the emotional vibrations of family and friends.  I am especially in-tune with others'  fears and fear based behaviors.

My own fear is triggered by the fears of others.  What do I do when I am afraid?  I quickly and habitually work to eradicate the fear.  Our methods of taming this giant vary, but we all work to slay the dragon of death.

I try death by fixing, changing, and stopping.  I try to fix others' feeling.  I try to change their feelings.  I try to stop the suffocation of life by fear.  My behaviors are driven by my own fear.

Fear has never been able to slay itself.   Fear only breeds more fear.

There is another way.  I am learning to stay with what is - without responding to the craving to change it.   I can do nothing to take care of another's feelings.  That is their job, not mine.

I am learning that I do not have to stop being me, to care for another.

I am learning to stop trying to eliminate the discomfort, by the elimination of self.

I am learning to stop and it is a beautiful celebration of my life.